The Hunting of the 'Sue
by LaBelleRebelle
Summary: Marie-Anne Sue-Ellen has been wreaking havoc in the world of Narnian fanfiction. It's up to Capt. Junora Windfar and her partner Imogen Sailsee of the Mary Sue Rehabilitation and Control Center to rid Narnia of this scourge forever.
1. Introduction

_Disclaimer: I only own MSRCC; it's employees and all Sues. _

A/N: I had planned to take a hiatus from Suebashing fics and write some more serious stuff, but this story was scratching at the back of my mind with magenta glitter claws, so I decided to write it immediately. I know that in Misinformedit was just the Mary Sue Rehabilitation Center, but I changed it into the Mary Sue Rehabilitation and Control Center. It fit with the plot better. Anyway, enjoy!

It was six 'o clock in the morning, and employees were streaming into the Mary Sue Rehabilitation and Control Center. The sprawling, redbrick complex included training courts, a hangar for all the transportation devices, the dorms and mess for the employees, hospital wards for the stricken Sues, and the main building. The only other structure in the Land Between the Stories was the CCCGSMS (Center for the Control and Care of Gary Stus and Marty Sams) complex. All the employees of these elite Centers were from different fandoms, selected for their intelligence, cunning, and common sense. Trained from age 15, they were instructed in archery, Suespotting, disguise, spelling and grammar. They were the Men In Black of fanfiction.

Inside the Sue center, Olrina Habir sat at the front desk of the Mary Sue Reconnaissance division of MSRCC. Tortallan by birth, she was a lean woman in her late forties, with dark skin and dark hair streaked with bands of gray. She commanded the group of women specially assigned to track and capture rogue Sues. Behind her was the switchboard room. Twenty girls were already stationed at the machines. Instead of a classic switchboard, however, these machines had maps of different fandoms on them. Alarms stationed at intervals on them went off to indicate the presence of Sues in that fandom. Now, thankfully, they were silent. No Sues went out at six 'o clock in the morning. All that could be heard from the room were the occasional sighs of the girls, and the munchings of the girls who had gotten up late and just grabbed a roll and a cup of coffee from the mess. They were too tired to talk. The weather didn't help, either. It was raining for the third day in a row. Everyone suspected it would be a sleepy, slow day. And they certainly didn't expect to be jolted from the light stupor of the recently awakened by the shrilling of the largest alarm on the Narnia board. It was big, pink and glittery. It was positioned on the part of the map marked "Spare Oom." And it never went off. At least, not before today.

A/N: You finally get a view inside the MSRCC! Not the best I've ever written, but the rest should be better (and longer.) REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own only Marie. The great C. S. Lewis owns all other characters in this chapter.

A/N: And now we get to be introduced to the creature behind last chapter's alarm… Mwahahahahahaha! We'll see whether I can write modern Sues. Most of Marie's names are actually those of real OCs in some stories I have encountered whilst trawling through stories on this site. Makes you shudder, doesn't it? Anyway, I should introduce Junora and Imogen in the next chapter. Enjoy!

You must have been asking yourself at the end of the intro, "Who could have set off the alarm? What horrific beast could send even the finest team of suehunters into disarray?" None other than Marie-Anne Sue-Ellen Petronilla Elisabeth Arianna Adriana Tiffany Arielle Arabella Adora Felicity Victoria Cecilia Ermengarde. She was beautiful beyond compare, with eyes that changed from "spakrling" gold to "enchatning" purple and all "culurs" in between. Her hair was rippling, wavy, shiny, luscious and fair. Her skin was as soft as velvet, and lips were as red as cherries. She was up-to-date with all the latest styles, and looked gorgeous in whatever she wore. She also had "hiden magickal pwers", which magically allowed her to look spectacularly stupid while trying to spurt fire from her hand. And she was currently walking through the back of Professor Kirke's wardrobe.

Marie was not entirely sure how she had got there. She knew that she had just been watching this _toe-tah-ly_ nerdy movie with her _toe-tah-ly_ geeky next-door-neighbor. (They both hated each other, but their parents made that ever-annoying assumption that "They're nearly the same age, how can the _not_ be friends? They should go to the movies together.") She had not been looking forward to it. But upon entering the theater, she was delighted to find that one of the leading characters of the film was "_toe-tah-ly_ Hawt!!!!!!!1!! OMG!" He was even better than the boy in the _last_ nerdy movie she had seen with that neighbor, the one a long time ago that she though of as the "one about the engagement." (It had rings in it! It must be about marriage!) That particular crush had been spoiled by the boy's name. I mean, who would like someone named Frogdo, or something? Anyway, she had just seen this movie with the "hawt British dude" (Peter, she thought his name was) in it, when she had drifted off to sleep during a Peter-less second of the movie. Next thing she knew, she was in this room with a wardrobe in front of her, and Peter had just disappeared inside it.

_Lyke, OMG!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I ken, lyke, toe-tah-ly catch him inside, and we ken, lyke, kiss!!!11!!!!!!!11!!!1 OMG! _Thought the girl. _He will, lyke, toe-tah-ly fall in love w/ me, and we will be, lyke, 2gether! _ She sprinted as fast as she could towards the wardrobe, tripped over her own stiletto, caught the heel of her shoe inside her lace leggings, effectively bending her leg so that her heel touched her thigh, tried to free her shoe, jumped while doing so and fell spectacularly onto her face. After a few minutes of struggling, she managed to right herself. She adjusted her metallic silver miniskirt, straightened her magenta tube top, applied a new coat of "Radioactive Red" lipstick, and pulled the door of the wardrobe open. "Petie-honey?" She crooned sickeningly " Dat you?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Some girl with black hair who was _almost _ as attractive as Marie screamed. You would, too, if you had seen some sort of blonde monstrosity in glowing red lipstick dressed in what looked like a spacewoman's skirt and a pink skin-tight tube. The girl recovered herself quickly, however, and focused on the girl in front of her. She was looking confused, as well, and was calling for someone who seemed to be called "Petyhooni". With a sudden thought, she turned to some one Marie recognized as "Her Petie", who was in the back of the wardrobe.

"It's for you." She swiftly got out of the way. Peter struggled to the front of the wardrobe.

'How can I help you?" _OMG!!!1!!!1!!!!!!! He's actually, lyke, tlking 2 me!!!! YEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!111!!!!! _

"Hi…" She said in her idea of a flirtatious tone. It came out as more of a breath with the possibility of words in it. She decided to bat her eyelashes and pout. This only served to cause Peter to back further into the wardrobe, and made some little light-haired boy laugh loudly. _OMG!!!1!!!! Lyke, tat little brat is, lyke, laffing at our deep wuvv! I'll, lyke, show him!_ She advanced into the wardrobe. "Watch whut you sey, brat. Petie-honey and me are, lyke, in wuvv!!!!1!!!!" Edmund laughed harder. Huffing, Marie pushed towards the back of the wardrobe and discovered Lucy.

"Who are you?" Lucy asked.

"Good question…" Muttered Peter. _Lyke, tis little ugly blonde girl don't know who I, lyke, em! OMG!!!1!!!!!_

"I em, lyke, Petie's tru wuvv!!!1!!!! La duh…." The short blonde girl ( Lucky, or something.) looked at her like she was crazy.

"But Peter's only twelve! And I don't think you've ever met before." This time it was the black haired girl who spoke. Marie thought her name must be Susie.

"So whut if we havnt? We're in wuvv!!!!!!!!1! Gawd." This girl must be stupid or something.

"I think you've got the wrong boy." Petie spoke to her. "And my name is PETER." Marie giggled horribly.

"You're such a jokr! I wuvv you sooooo much!!!1!!!"

"I'm not kidding."

"Peter, we're wasting time when we could be exploring! Let's just let her come with us. I'm sure she won't bother us. Much." Lucky-or-something looked impatient.

"Yes, lets. I'm sure she won't bother us." Edmount,( she thought he was called this.) the light-haired boy, was snickering uncontrollably.

"Well…I don't know…"

"Come ON, Peter."

"Alright." They entered the wood. It was only until they were knee-deep in snow that Marie noticed she had forgotten her coat. Oh, well…

_A/N: I hope this was better than the last chapter! Please review. I can't fix problems if I don't know what they are. _


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own only MSRCC, Junora, Imogen, Marie and sundry other employees.

A/N: Sorry about the long absence! I went on a lovely vacation to a place whose only downside was limited Internet access. Alas. But now I'm back, and should be posting quasi-regularly. The great C. S. Lewis wrote some of the Pevensies dialogue in this chapter, but I decided to use it to make it truer to book form. In response to one comment in a review, this story is in bookverse. I thought it would be funnier if Marie saw the movie but was thrown into the book. I didn't think about this when I was writing the last chapter, and therefore cannot explain how she recognized the Pevensies in their book form. Perhaps her next-door-neighbor was complaining about their appearances after the movie, and thus she heard what they were supposed to look like. But, once again, I digress. Here's the chapter! As promised, I introduce Imogen and Junora now.

For the second time that day, Professor Kirke's house had some odd visitors. Not that any of the house's residents knew they were there, of course. They were young women, like last time, but instead of a single blonde, bubbling girl in a miniskirt and radioactive lipstick, these were two women of about nineteen and twenty, dressed in dark brown tunic and breeches. They were called Junora Windfar and Imogen Sailsee, and they were employees of the Mary Sue Rehabilitation and Control Center. They smelled strongly of coffee and rolls.

"Couldn't we have stayed two seconds longer, and eaten _real_ food?" The younger of the two whined. On closer inspection, they looked rather similar. They had the same reddish-brown hair and square-chinned faces. In actuality, they were sisters, though their last names were different. It was protocol in the Center for recruits to receive Sue-ish names, which they would use as their own. This was supposed to "strengthen their resistance" against the Sues, although many speculated that it was to give their superior officers something to laugh at. As it happened, Junora and Imogen were comparatively lucky in their names. They were at least better off than some of their coworkers, who landed names like "Eliaenore" and "Arleenia". Nonetheless, they always called themselves by their real names, despite the fact that they were the rather unfortunate Archenlandish names of Thrynn and Thrynna Sardinsdaughters.

"Hush. Do you _want_ to be found?" Thrynn cautioned her younger sister. They were in the hall outside the wardrobe room. She stepped towards the door, as if expecting a bomb to go off at any moment.

"O for goodness sakes!" Hissed Thrynna. She marched past her sister and lightly opened the door. "You are always so _cautious_, Thrynn!"

"There could have been someone behind that door!" Thrynn said, slipping into the room after her sister.

"Yes, but there wasn't."

"But there _could_ have been!" Thrynn sighed. "Look, just be more careful. Now, according to the motion detector, if we stay in here we shouldn't be caught for a few minutes." The motion detector issued by the Center detected future motion for up to an hour. "Lets get more organized before we enter Narnia."

"Alright. We have some reports about this particular Sue from an informant who seems to be the girl's next-door-neighbor. She works part-time for us, doing background checks and such. According to her, the 'Sue is about seventeen years old, blonde hair, color-changing eyes, tall willowy frame, etc. The usual. Has a fixation on movie stars, went to see the Narnia Movie, fell in love with Peter. Again, the usual. But what makes her so much more lethal than the half-million other Sues?" Thrynna looked at her sister.

"Some 'Sues just have a combination of all the attributes that makes them particularly venomous. It is one of life's great mysteries. The most important thing is that we catch her at the right time."

"But surely, we just have to go into Narnia and capture her at the best moment possible?"

"NO!" Thrynn quieted a little. " I mean, no! If we just jump in there and catch her, it'll mess everything up! You can't just have a character there one minute, gone the next. Not in good fanfiction. It has to look logical! We need to make it look as if she was killed, or something. I was thinking we should wait until the battle, and then capture her."

"But if we leave her for too long, she could affect Peter or even Edmund. It would change the story! They might not even get to the battle."

"We can watch from a distance, and if she is about to do something that could dramatically affect the story, we'll cause a distraction. Now lets go. We need to catch up with them." Both sisters entered the wardrobe.

***************************

Marie pranced along behind the four Pevensies. Or she at least tried to. But Mary Sues are not famous for their energy, and Marie was particularly weak. She tried to prance for about a minute, but found herself out of breath quickly. The fact that she was wearing a tube top and miniskirt in knee-deep snow didn't help, either. She settled for a kind of slow-motion skip. This succeeded in getting her so preoccupied with not breaking her heels or dropping her purse that she was hit in the face with a low-lying branch. Her head swum for a minute, and when she recovered, the Pevensies had stopped walking, and were talking rather angrily. Marie had been vaguely aware of their conversation before, something about "arctic explorers", but now she listened. "Petie" seemed to be talking with the blond boy who had been snickering earlier.

"…And you made out she was lying? Well, of all the poisonous little beasts." Marie realized that the brothers were arguing. _Maybe if I, lyke, stand up 4 Petie, he will, lyke, think I'm all, lyke, caring & stuff!!!11!!!!! He'll, lyke, toe-tah-ly wuvv me more! Score!_ Marie stepped in between the brothers.

"Lyke, stop fighting, u little brat! Petie is, lyke, sooooooooooooooo rite! He, lyke, knows, lyke, evrything! U are, lyke, such a loooooser!" She took the Pevensie's looks of confusion as looks of awe, and turned toward Peter. "OMG, Petie, I, lyke, know u r always rite! I wuuuuuuuv u sooooo much!!!!1!!!!!!" She ran squee-ing into Peter, expecting him to seize her joyfully in his arms.

"We weren't arguing." Susan stepped between Marie and Peter, the latter of which went to stand near Lucy. "And are you _sure_ you've got the right Peter?"

"I would, lyke, know him anywhere! He is my tru wuvv!" Marie tried to move towards Peter.

"Shouldn't we be going? I can show you the house of the nice fawn I told you about." Lucy quickly interrupted.

"Yes, lets!" Peter walked briskly after Lucy. Marie tried to catch up with him, and received a face full of snow for her troubles. She had tripped over a tree root. She waited patiently for one of the Pevensies to come to her aid, but after several minutes no one came, so she decided to struggle up on her own. Upon managing to sit up, she did what Sues had done for generations upon falling. She applied her make-up. On went a new coat of "Unbelievable Uranium" Blush (Get that million-curie look!), followed by "Nifty Nuclear" eye shadow (It really glows!) and, of course, her trademark "Radioactive Red" lipstick. At last, she set off to follow the Pevensies. Unbeknownst to her, the time she had used to put on makeup had allowed two women to catch up with her. Two women who were currently hiding in the thicket nearby.

"She's a disaster just waiting to explode. Literally. That makeup she uses is outlawed in most countries, it's so radioactive. How come she isn't dead by now?"

"Sues have a peculiar resilience when it comes to things like that. But I should think that even your average Sue would have some side effects from the radiation. But who can fathom the minds and health of the Sue?"

_A/N: Who, indeed. I know the name thing was kind of weird, and this chapter is not so good, but it was all I could think of. Sorry. Until next time, then, and don't forget to REVIEW!_


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